Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009!

All in all, it's been a pretty good holiday season.
I'm sober and I've stayed that way. While I haven't had the urge to drink, I did have a couple of 'off' times in the past few days. The girls were gone for just over a week. While it was nice to have the break, I missed them, but didn't miss them too much. They left to be with their father Dec 21 and I picked them up yesterday. I'm Jewish, so the x-mas thing didn't bother me at all. What is difficult for me is this time of the year, not because of the holidays, but because I am approaching 3 years of sobriety (Jan 21). Three years ago, I was alone while the kids were with their father and I hit the bottom of all bottoms. I've come a long way and don't want to make this post into a bad 'remember when'.

Obviously, like many others, I have spent some time thinking about the highs and lows of 2008. I can honestly say that there were far more 'highs' than 'lows'. In the past year I have more than doubled my income, moved to a great 'house' (it's a tri-plex and we have the middle floor, with 3 guys above and below us), got my driver's license back (lost it for 2 years - drinking), earned an awesome promotion at work, watched both daughter's grow into lovely young ladies, become a bit closer to my family, continue to grow on spiritual levels, etc.... In a netshell, that's my 'gratitude list' for 2008.

The 'situation' at work is now great. The one other assistant I was whining about is now pretty good. We had a couple of 'talks' on our last day of work for the year (x-mas eve, until noon). She actually apologized for the way in which she treated me and we discussed things. I told her it was in the past and we need to both let it go and move on. It was a great talk and I'm looking forward to working with her. Now, I can honestly say that I actually LIKE everyone I work with. I don't know a lot of people who can say that.

My daughter's are truly good people with kind hearts. They love me for who I am. While there are problems and life is never perfect, I know that no matter what, we can get through it. I heard a speaker once at an AA meeting who had a great message... 'there's a blessing on the other side of through' - meaning you have to go through things in order to receive the blessing. I'm sure I'm not saying (or writing) it so you will really understand it, but it was amazing and really made me think.

Money is not as abundant as I'd like it to be, but really, few people can say that they have 'enough' money. It bothers me that Scott (the ex) is to pay me $450/month (based on numbers we used, it's a fair amount given the amount he makes). It bothers me that he is a few months behind and can't afford the small amount he has to pay. I know I will receive the money, in Ontario we have the Family Responsibility Office - they 'take care' of support payments. He can't turn around and say that he couldn't pay one month and move on...that amount doesn't go away until he's paid up. All things considered, I have enough money to do things with the kids that we want to do (within reason...we're not hopping on any planes in the near future). Today I took them to see 'Bedtime Stories'. We had fun.

I'm learning to put things into perspective and to keep things simple. I am doing my best to keep the important things at the front of my mind. Is life going to end if I don't send a letter out immediately? Usually, it won't. Is it going to change history if I can't get to my daughter's 5 minute dance recital? It might, for her anyway. THAT is priority. There was one week when I left work early 3 days out of 5. Two for dance (end of the session thing), and once to take them to the dentist. It doesn't always work that I have the priorities straight. Sometimes I need help with them. I've also learned that it's okay to ask for help. That is a huge thing for me, to ask for help.

All-in-all, 2008 was a year that showed me how life CAN be, if I work all aspects of it. Nothing is perfect and along those line, nobody is perfect either. It boggles my mind how happy simple things can make me. It boggles my mind how much my life has improved from attending AA meetings and following some 'suggestions' (AA people will never TELL you what to do, they SUGGEST).

Here's hoping that 2009 is everything that you want it to be. I wish you, your family, and your friends, the very best for a healthy, happy, and safe year!


tweetey30 said...

Thanks for sharing your life and your goals with us Eileen. I rather enjoy reading your blog and seeing how you are doing and the girls.. Happy New Year my friend.

Tammi said...

We have SOOOO much in common,that this post just had my eyes a tad bit blurry.I keep procrastinating about going to my meetings and it is starting to show.I've been out drinking lately,and although it WAS fun,the end result when I keep up that sort of thing,is ALWAYS bad.It leads me to doing things I wouldn't dream of doing on a sober day,so I KNOW I've been playing with fire.
Sheesh this post hits home,hun.
Thank you for sharing this w/ us....I'm going to a noon meeting today,and maybe even a 6:00 or 8:00.Amazing what a few words can do to a person.You definately just inspired me to do something I KNOW will make me feel better,and hopefully get that joy and inner peace that I see you have.
Thanks E.

Eileen said...

Tweetey: Hope you had a very happy new year.

Tammi: I've stopped by to read you a bit, so I had an idea of what you were doing (or not doing). I'm not sure how things are there, but here, we always say 'welcome back', followed by a hug. Individual programs often work when one passes the message along. I'm thrilled that my message spoke to you. Please, keep me updated. 'It works if you work it'

Tammi said...

Went to a 12:00 meeting yesterday and went and had coffee w/ the coolest couple.They BOTH got sober the same time 12 years ago.Sheesh! That's a lonnng time to never use anything mind altering,ya know?
That's where I get hung up sometimes I think.I forget about the One Day at a Time thing so easily.
I seen it coming when I got out of prison Eileen,but I just remember thinking"just this one time won't hurt,right"?
I DO need to NOT DRINK though,cuz everytime I do,all I think about useing other stupid crap.Even though I say I'm not an alcaholic,cuz I don't wake up drinking,drinking sure does make me turn to stronger s***!!
I'm gona go to a meeting after work tomorrow.I can't imagine going back to the Tammi I used to be.
Just swingin by to say hi and see if you posted.Hoping all is well on your end.
Actually your last post is a re-readable one,btw!! ;-}

Tammi said...

whoa I was typing and noticed my comment already
heck,what was I typing about anyways...nevermind,at least my rambling one didn't get lost.

That girl said...

Eileen - glad to hear things are going well for you! You sound like you have your life on track and the girls are well adjusted.

BTW - i posted...yeah yeah.

tweetey30 said...

Hey where are you???? But hope things are going well other wise.. Life is busy at my place.

Tammi said...

Hey Hey!
I have to admit.When I go blog surfing and see your comments on other blogs,I get a tad jealous!LOL...I know,shame on me...I'm worse than an attention seeking 9 year old kiddo....I just like reading your updates and get thrilled when I see the EILEEN LINK on my blog.
Hope all is well on your end.I'm off today and will make a noon meeting,and of course I thought of you,since you inspired me to go the last time...If you lived closer,we could go to an AA or NA together.That would be cool,cuz you sound like total sponsor material!!
*hug hug*

Eileen said...

That is one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me. Hands down.
Understand, too, that I know Michelle personally. We lived a couple of blocks from each other when I lived in BC. We were (are) good friends. I haven't seen her in 4 years, and I've never met her husband, but the connection is still there.
I don't have the same AA connection with her, though...that is only for you and I :)

Tammi said...

Hey,isn't Michelle's screename "THat Girl"? If so,she IS a really sweet person,no doubt!!
But no,I don't beat around the have been SUCH an inspiration to me ladybug!! Just reading throughout your blog makes me feel as though we have so many things in common,and I just can't say that about all my faves in my list.I just adore you and your total honesty makes me feel so comfortable being able to talk to you about ANYTHING without feeling like an a***,or embarrassed about my ugly past,and sometimes my stupid present,or daily screw ups,that is...
It'd be cool if you had a chance to blog more about how you are keeping your eggs all in one basket,cuz your just full of useful information and encouragement for f***-up's like me.I come here first to see if you have updated,and seem to get a different explanation everytime I re-read this's a post evryone should read...and btw,thanks for the feedback you give me.I can't tell you how much I appreciate hearing from you.It's like you understand me.
The person you mentioned,I think you said her screename was Inmates Wife(sp)...but anyways,no,I've never read her blog.Is it closed now or something?
Take Care...and again...thanks for just being YOU.