Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hi ho, Hi ho,it's off to Court I go

In March/06 things were very bad for me. I had just become sober (Jan 21), Scott had 'scooped' the kids, I didn't have a job, blah blah blah. At the time, the judge made an Order and that Order is still in effect. There are some things in there that just don't apply any longer. Scott and I have agreed on the changes to be made, a better Agreement or Order for us and the girls. Problem is that Scott has decided he doesn't want anything more to do with lawyers or the Court. This has been going on for some time now. We agree with the changes, but he hasn't paid his lawyer so she's not doing any more work for him at all. He flat out refuses to do anything. After months of going back and forth, my lawyers and I decided that we would book a court date for a Case Conference. A Case Conference is something where the lawyers and parties go in front of a judge and the will make some decisions about the case. The judge cannot make any major decisions, but s/he still can make some.
I told Scott about this. I told him that most likely he would have to pay my costs because it's not necessary for this. He just doesn't care. He still has not paid me costs awarded to me in Mar/06. Anyway, we served his lawyer yesterday with our stuff for court. She has (again or still) not responded in any way to this.
So, Mon, my lawyer and I will go to court to try to get his lawyer off the record (means she won't reprsent him any more) and try to get this thing done.
I'll keep you updated if anything exciting happens.

Oh, update on my cousin H who has the drinking problem...
He did come over a couple of weeks ago. Once again he assured me that there was nothing wrong and everything was getting blown out of proportion. In other words, he doesn't think there is a problem at all. I told his wife, again, nothing anyone can do until he realizes that there is a problem. I'll keep you updated on that as well.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

MY ex IS dumber than yours

Scott's birthday was this past Wed. I told him a couple of weeks ago that if he wanted to take the girls out for dinner that night, he could (yes, that is nice of me). He said 'maybe'.
Heather decided that she wanted to make him a present. She had the idea to sew something for him. She took her idea to the daycare where they are much more creative than I am. One of the teachers brought in a scarf for a man. Heather took a piece of felt, sewed their last name, put some stars/snowflakes on it, and sewed it onto the scarf. She worked very hard on, was very proud of it, as she should have been...it looked great.
Day before Scott's birthday, the girls are talking to him on the phone and Heather tells him what she made. His response??? 'I hate scarves, I'll never wear it'. Then came 'Daddy, can you take us for dinner tomorrow night for your birthday, we want to see you?' Response?? 'My truck is broken, we'll see.' Heather was totally heartbroken. She was so upset about the two things, the scarf and the dinner. I called Scott back when the girls could not hear me and told him that he had better call back and tell Heather he was sorry. He did, but she was still upset. Who says that to a child who worked hard on something?
He called me the next day at work (Wed, his birthday) to tell me he was not going to take the girls for dinner. His truck was still broken. I went to the daycare to pick the girls up. Went to Heather's room first. A teacher saw me, came over to me and told me that Heather was talking about her father's birthday and how they were going for dinner that night. So, again, I had to break her heart and tell her that her father wasn't coming for dinner. I told her the reason. She asked what was wrong with the subway or a taxi. I couldn't answer her. I gave Heather and Leah a choice: we could go out for dinner ourselves or I could make dinner and they could have a big bowl of ice cream after dinner. They decided that the ice cream was a better deal. At the end of it, they were fine. They talked to their father. They were happy with their ice cream.
But I ask you...who has the dumber ex???

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Family

I have written a bit about my sister and her life right now. She's separated from her husband, he lives in the house, and she now has a boyfriend. It's not the ideal situation, for obvious reasons. I have my views and sometimes it's hard to keep them to myself.
My family and I have always been fairly close. I have 6 first cousins, from both sides of my family. My maternal cousins are no way as disfunctional as my paternal cousins. On the paternal side, there are 3 kids. All 3 are married. My one cousin, H, lived in Asia for about 9 years, the same time I lived in BC. This blog is going to be about H.
H has a major drinking problem. He's a practicing alcoholic. He got married just over a year ago. He and his wife are expecting their first baby in May. I've been talking to my uncle (his father) and his wife for a couple of months now. At one point I did talk to H. At the time, H told me that everything was being blown out of proportion and there wasn't a problem. I know differently. Being a (recovering) alcoholic myself, I know the signs. Over the past couple of months I've talked to his wife, S, several times about it. H is not even close to admitting that he has a problem. That's the first step in recovery, admitting that you have a problem. Without that there is no recovery. I found out some stuff tonight about H that sickens me. His wife left him yesterday. I talked to her tonight. We know that there is a problem, a very serious one. He has chosen alcohol over his wife and unborn child. His choice. Problem is, he is blaming all of his problems on his wife. All I heard from him was 'she did' so he 'had a couple of drinks'. I've been there. I know what that is like. If I had a good day, bad day, fight with someone, anything, I drank beacause of it. When Heather had her tonsils out Scott promised her he would be at the hospital. He didn't show. I got drunk. It really didn't matter. H is at that point. He is lying about drinking, hiding booze, and doing all sorts of things that alcoholics do. I had a long talk with his wife about how some alcoholics think. I hope I helped her. She is so fed up, hurt, and confused by all of this.
H is supposed to come over Sat to talk to me. I'm worried about him. I know where he's at and he has 2 choices: live or die. His current path is death. I want to smack him in the head so he can see what he is doing to himself and his family. I can't do that. I was and often am that person. I've learned that you cannot force someone to do anything, even if you know that person is hurting themselves. Instead of thinking of the things I can't do, I'm going to concentrate on the things that I can do. I can talk to him and I can tell him things that I went through to get to where I am now. I don't often say 'yay me', but sometimes I do. I am approaching 2 years in AA and that IS something. I can offer H my experience, strength, and hope. I can talk to him about the true realities of this disease. That is my 'smack in the head' for this situation. I will post after our conversation Sat to let you know how it went. I really want the 'smack in the head' to work.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Happy 2008!

Happy New Year!
It's hard for me to believe that it's already 2008, I was wondering what happened to the summer. We have tons of snow here, even snowed more tonight.
We had a pretty good night. I worked, but got out at 3. Scott and the girls were waiting for me when I got home. He dropped the girls off, and it was just the girls again. I really missed them, they were gone for a week.
We were invited to two places tonight. One was a friend who lives on the same street as us, the other my sister, who is next door. My sister started a 'games night' years ago and my mother and her 'friend' go as well. We also had a guest, Heather's best friend Emily. We started off here, had dinner, then went to Louise's house (friend on our street). There were some other people there, kids, and all of the kids were crazy, running around and yelling. We left there to go to my sister's place around 9. Games night is fun, but tiring. My sister also has a new 'friend'. Here's the soap opera again...she's separated from her husband, has been since the summer, and he is living in the basement. Her new 'friend', Kurt, was over with his 2 sons, 8 and 10. I first heard about him a few weeks ago. He was some guy that she met, they were just friends, and she was 'helping him with some stuff'. It was pretty obvious tonight that he was more than 'just a friend'. I have mixed feelings about that. I want my sister to be happy, but her husband is living in the basement. Anyway, not the time or place to talk about that. New Year's.... Rhonda (sister) goes out and gets a whole bunch of 'prizes' for the games. She also had some 'grand prizes' as well, they were predetermined when she bought them. Kurt's boys ended up with a Simpson's dvd, we ended up with a cd player. All of the kids were happy with their stuff. There was also tons of little things, bubbles, candy, cards, pencils, glitter glue, etc. You know, dollar store stuff that kids love but parents hate. We did have a fun time. Leah, who is only 5, kicked some major butt in 'Connect Four'. At 11:50, we all went and turned the tv on, watched the ball drop, and said 'Happy New Year'. We even hugged. Wow. I guess once a year is pretty good for that. My neice and I never hug, she hates to be touched. We do the pretend hand shake, it's pretty funny. My nephew hugged me, that was pretty neat.
At 12:10, I took Heather, Leah, and Emily home. It took a long time to settle them in. Leah went to sleep in my bed. That took about 10 minutes. We started with Heather and Emily in Heather's bed, but it became apparent in less than 1 minute that that plan was not going to work. They were both very tired and grumpy. Emily decided that she wanted to go home, but her parent's were not home yet. Heather wanted to call her father, his phone was turned off and he doesn't have voicemail. They were both crying. Nice way to start the year. Anyway, I did get them both settled down, they are both sleeping now. I'm quite sure that all will be well in the morning. Aside from the breakdowns afterwards, it was fun. One of the nice things about it...no champaigne at midnight at my sister's house. Not even a mention of it. Was a very nice way for me to start the year.
I hope all of you had a peaceful and happy night.
I wish all of you a healthy and happy 2008!