Wednesday, October 17, 2007

It's time for a new post!

My life has been very busy lately, or still, depending on how you look at things.

Work is going very well. When I first started working at the family law office, I felt like Benny from 'LA Law'. He was a mentally challenged worker who did all of the menial stuff around the office. Can I get this file, photocopy this, put these papers in order, etc. It wasn't the other people who made me feel that way, it was me and the way I felt about myself. Don't they know who I am? Don't they know what I've done? I then realized that I was making myself feel that way. Yes, I have a BA, yes, I have worked in companies where I've travelled, had company cars and visa's. Yes, I've run my own business and also worked for family for many years. All of that doesn't really matter. What matters are the things I am doing NOW to support my family. I have to do it all. I do get some support money from my ex, but on the whole, I support us. Usually at work I'm very busy. I was initially hired to do the filing, it was a part time job a few hours a week. Over the past year, it's developed into a job where I'm paid for 5 hours a day, but put in an average of 7. I feel proud of what I've done there. I've turned that filing job into much more, and I'm given more responsibility there all the time. I'm now Account's Recievable. That in itself is funny to me, I failed math in a big way. I hate math and numbers. But, I am good with people and I'm good at getting them to pay some of the money they owe. Lawyers are expensive (mine is $450/hr!), and it adds up quickly. It's not unusual for someone to owe over $5000 in a month. Anyway, in addition to that, I've been given several 'put together' projects. I now am comfortable putting together court documents in triplicate from scratch. I was also told today that I'm getting another program for my computer that everyone else has. It's the main program for documents and putting together things for court. It's weird there: there are the lawyers, and the assisstants, and then there's me. I'm the odd-one out. Again, that bothered me at first, but now I'm getting used to it and I kind of like it. I don't have a job description and I am being given other opportunities to grow there. I've made myself an important part of the 'team', the finished product. Today one of the lawyers asked me to help her find stuff in a file. As I do the filing, I know where everything is. They have learned that they only need to ask me anything about a file and I know where it is. Sure, I'll never be 'president', I'll never save the world there...but, I do contribute in a big way and I've made myself an important part of the team. For me, right now in my life, that's enough. I'm thankful that I have this job and have been given the opportunity to make it grow. I, for one, don't mind going to work everyday. I'm not sure how many people can honestly say that.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Tagged

I was tagged by Tweetey. I've never been tagged before, so I now feel like I'm 'part of' the blog world. Thanks, Tweetey.
Seven things about me...

1. I'm a recovering alcoholic. That's the number one thing in my life, the recovering part. Some of you might be upset that it comes before my kids. I have learned the hard way that without my sobriaty, I don't have anything else. First thought of the day (after 'crap, it's too early to get up') is thanking my higher power and asking for another sober day. Last thought at night (after 'I should have gone to bed earlier') is thanking my higher power for the gift of my children and having a sober day.

2. My two daughters are my life. I love them for who they are (exept when they don't listen, when they whine, cry for no reason, fight, and stay up too late). They both have exceptionally good hearts. Leah was a 'what, I'm pregnant?' It was totally the wrong time, and I was told after Heather not to have more kids. I can't imagine life without the two of them.

3. I make an effort to see positive in everyone. Sometimes it's very hard. I tend to stay away from negative people. I teach my kids that you will attract what you are. If I am a positive person, I will attract positive people.

4. I haven't had sex in about 4 years. I don't really care. I've never had wild, amazing sex. I can't miss what I've never had.

5. I still find it strange to be living in Toronto again. I grew up here, spent the first 30 years of my life here, spent almost 9 years in BC and have been back for almost 3 years. I wake up expecting to see the mountains and a huge backyard. I don't. I see concrete.

6. I honestly get dissapointed when I check my lottery numbers and I haven't won. I don't buy tickets often because of that.

7. I can't stand surprises and presents. I am a total 'snooper'. It really bugs me when someone starts to say something but then says 'never mind'.

I'm now supposed to tag 7 other people. To be honest, I don't really know 7 people who read my blog, so I can't.
I can attempt to tag:
Michelle
Lisa
Inmatz Wife
Ryan

Those are the blogs that I read most often and who might somewhat know who I am. I'm not tagging Tweetey because she tagged me.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

October 5, 2004

I was out with some friends last night when it suddendly dawned on me that our official 'Separation' date is Oct 5. Luckily, I was out with a bunch of single women, so when I announced that it's been 3 years since we've been separated, we all did a huge 'congrats' and high 5's around the table. It's nice to be with people who appreciate the joys of being separated.

That got me thinking about legal stuff. Since I work in a legal office, I see stuff every day. I've seen lots of files where I've seen the divorce application go into the courts then the divorce order come back; parties are divorced, close the file, put it in storage. I looked into my own file and realized that we don't even have an Application in yet. There was so much stuff going on when he scooped the girls that I didn't even think about it. We talked about it once a while ago when I mentioned to him that we are no closer to divorce than we were the day we separated. Really, unless you're going to marry again, the divorce is just a piece of paper.
I mentioned a while back about the current court Order that is in place. Currently, that is the only legal thing we have. There are a couple of clauses that I want changed and Scott agrees with them. After going on for several months trying to get him to either pay his lawyer or get her off the record, he finally told me the other day that he wasn't going to do anything. Yep, he is sick of the legal stuff and doesn't want to have anything more to do with it. Ha! As if it was that simple! I drafted a new consent Order and letter to his lawyer, showed it to my lawyer and we're going to send it next week. Enough of the crap. This is going to end up costing him a lot more money that if he had simply followed through with what I asked him to do and he agreed to do. Lawyers charge for everything. 'Good morning' can cost you $50. That's not why I'm doing it, although I do have to admit that it's a nice side benefit. I want this thing done. Enough is enough. Scott still has not paid me the costs awarded to me over a year ago. Worst of all, I asked him if he would please contribute to some the things for the girls. Brownies, martial arts, art class, etc. His response was that he couldn't now because he didn't have the money. Yah, I told him I expected that answer but just wanted to see if I was right.

I expected to feel something when I realized it's been 3 years. Honestly, I felt relief that the marriage really was over and has been for a long time. As a marriage certificate is a piece of paper with a lot of meaning to it, a divorce certificate can mean just as much to some. I once told a friend who was getting married that marriage is the same, but different as before. I think the same goes for divorce. Those of you who are divorced will know exactly what I mean.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Mommy & Leah Weekend

Leah and I had a 'Mommy & Leah' weekend this past weekend. Heather is in Brownies, she loves it and lots of her friends are in it. This past weekend was the Brownie Camp Weekend. They left on Fri evening, came home Sun. At first, this sounds like an amazing opportunity for friends to get together, bond, and enjoy the great outdoors. The girls and I got to the pick up place at the appointed time. Somehow, a lot of the girls were already paired up with whom they were going to sit with on the bus. Heather felt left out. Having felt this way for most of my life, I can relate to that feeling. It sucks. I talked with Heather, told a couple of the Brownie Leaders about why she was upset, and they found some girls for her to sit with. Anyway, after sending a crying Hetaher on a bus with the Brownies, I had to get into the moment and concetrate on Leah. We went to the video store, renting Barbie and the Island Princess, a new movie she really wanted to see. We had our own fun over the weekend. She had a 'Toys R Us' gift card from her birthday last month. After watching the Barbie movie, Leah and I went to 'TRUs' and I let her pick out things that SHE wanted to get. I emphasize that, because Leah doesn't always get things that SHE wants. I've seen it all too often that Heather will convince Leah that she wants things that Heather actually wants. It's quite the manipulation game. After Leah picked out things that she wanted, we went for a walk, then went home. we ended up going out for dinner, and, as both of us were tired, she was sleeping by 8pm and I was in bed by 9. Yep, me, in bed at 9pm on a Sat. Oh well, it felt good Sun am having a great sleep for a change. Sunday we did some shopping, and then my mom took her, along with my niece and nephew, to my mom's friend's house where they were having a Sukkot party. Jewish sort of thing for celebrating harvest and stuff. Anyway, while they were there, I was told that Leah got into a fight with 2 boys. Yep, my little Leah, petite, shy (HA) picked a fight with 6 year old and 11 year old boys. I actually have to give her cred for it. She was playing with a ball and they took it away from her. She asked for it back, they didn't listen, so she kicked and scratched them. Oh yes, she growled at them as well. When they got back, my mom told me about it. I asked Leah why she was punching, hitting, kicking, biting, and scratching at the boys. She told me that the boys took her ball. She siad 'Mommy, I didn't bite or hit them'. Hard to get really mad at that. I did explain that it wasn't appropriate behaviour, blah, blah. She knew that already, she says. They just made her mad.
Anyway, Heather came back from her trip, she had fun and brought home lots of rocks (don't ask, I have no idea why she brought rocks home).
By Sunday night after dinner with the family (same old, but my sister was slightly better this week), they girls were back to their usual fighting/loving ways.
They are both good kids. I have to keep reminding myself that with me as their Motehr and Scott as their father, they are bound to be messed up more than a little bit. Ah, the joys of seeing resessive jeans passed on...