Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Floyd

When I moved to BC 10 years ago (wow, time flies!!), my then-husband and I bought a house and because he really wanted a dog, we got one. I was never really a pet person, but I was willing to try it. Fast forward...we ended up getting a black lab and I named him Floyd (after Pink, of course...I've seen them 4 times live). A few months later we were driving to the mountains and saw a sign that advertised wolf/malamute/sheppard pups. Along came Zoey, the most timid and strange wolf-dog ever.
We had the dogs before we had kids. When we had kids, before they were brought into the house, they were put on the ground in their car seats for the dogs to smell them. I loved those dogs, and it hurt like hell when the girls and I left BC without them. Didn't miss the ex. Anyway, the ex moved here (Toronto) and brought the dogs with him. I don't see them much because he is doing the driving across the city for pick up and drop off of the girls.
Floyd is now 10 and he's getting old. I haven't seen him in a few months, but the girls and Scott tell me that he's still the same goofy, wild, Floyd, but he's sick and has been for a while. Scott has made the decision to put him down. I don't disagree with that. In fact, without getting into a whole thing, I think we treat sick animals much more humanely than humans. Scott has been talking about it for the past month or so, and Heather knows about it as well. She drew a picture for Floyd, saying 'we'll miss you'. He told me tonight that he's going to bring the dogs here next week for me to say goodbye to Floyd. I'm so mixed about it. I know it's the right thing to do, he is an active, bonzai dog, but he's old and sick. I'm so thankful that I told Scott that I would like to say goodbye and so far he is going through with bringing him here. If I could have the dogs here I would, but my house just is not equipped for that, especially big dogs.
This is the first time in my adult life that I have loved a pet that is going to die. I'm sad, but still thankful that Floyd (and Zoey) gave me the kind of unconditional love that I never knew existed. I am looking forward to seeing the dogs again, but knowing that it will be the last time I see Floyd is going to be hard for me.
I will update later.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

After working at my lawyer's office for about a year now, as a 'casual', as of Friday I am officially an 'employee'. Fabulous news for me and the girls!
Since I was sick last year, I have been on Social Assistance. It's very hard being 41 on assistance. They have been very nice to me, but really, living in Toronto, there is no way to survive just on that. I recieve $450 from Scott in child support. They deduct that. I get money from Child Tax Benefits. They deduct that. I work, they deduct 1/2 of what I earn. The 'shelter' money is less than $600/month. How, in Toronto, mom and 2 children, do you find a place to live for that? Impossible! Anyway, the good news is that I will be on payroll and get off of Social Assistance. I will have medical/dental benefits (although not 100%, you cannot have everything), and job security.

On to other stuff.........
The associate (Malorie) who is helping me with my order/agreement spoke to me Friday. The draft that I have done is good, Scott wants some changes that we will incorporate. Malorie told me that she will not work on it until she has some assurance that Scott will be able to execute it once it's done. Because he hasn't paid his lawyer, he cannot get ILA (indipendent legal advise) from her. Malorie is looking out for me and doesn't want me to spend the money until she knows. I spoke to Scott and told him all of that and told him that summer plans would have to wait. I am biting the bullet and paying for this, he is getting things that he wants without signing, I'm putting an end to it. I did tell him that I was footing the bill for the girls because that is what's best for them.

Why is it that ex's have to be so difficult? I have spoken to other people, and also working in the family law field, I see it. Not to say that I have not contributed to this, but I'm trying to put that past me and moving forward. I have a lot of empathy for those whose ex's still 'annoy, harass, belittle' and generally are a pain in the ass. The 'annoy' etc. is in several separation agreements that I have read. How do you go about enforceing that????

Saturday, June 2, 2007

I'm discovering a big blog world out there

Over the past few days, I have been actually following links from the blogs I normally read to other blogs.
I have found links to several people in AA recovery that blog. Amazing what this world is! I'm going to check them out, see what they are like. I had a bit of a hard day last evening when Scott picked the girls up for the weekend. I am drafting the agreement/order and had asked him to look it over to see if we are on the same page in terms of stuff to agree on. He is such an ass, that's for another post later. Anyway, point is, I was trying to think of all the AA program stuff to help me deal with it because I was very upset and angry. I got onto the computer and started to look at some blogs, then followed links. What a cool blog world. Soon, I was calm and actively reading some of them. Once again, thanks to AA program and people.
I won't go on about that, just that it's a wonderful way to live!