Friday, March 30, 2007

...It's Friday...

I'm glad it's Friday today. It's been a pretty good week, especially weather-wise. The past couple of evenings it's been very nice outside and the girls and I have taken advantage of this spring weather by spending lots of time outside. Last night there were a few kids (including myself) on the trampoline for at least an hour...jumping and playing.
We have a busy weekend...
Tonight we are going for dinner with some friends, then tomorrow we are going to a maple sugar place with Parents without Partners, a single parent/family group we joined. It should be fun, my girls have never been to one before.
Passover is next week, the big dinners on Mon and Tues. There's usually around 20 of us each night. I don't keep Passover, but I do enjoy the dinners and seeing family.
I really wish I had more to say. I know I've said that I am fairly content with stuff, but it does make for a boring blog.
I'll try to think of something interesting to say next time.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

I feel like a new Me, but better!

It's been quite a few days since my last post. I was here, but my keyboard was not. It was very frustrating: every time I pressed the space button I got 'c'. 'M' became 'mn', etc. I finally got a new keyboard and mouse, so I'm ready to blog.

It's been a nice and serene past few days. Heather and Leah are happy and healthy. I have a cold, but it's only a cold...no biggie.

The girls went with their father this weekend to visit his sister and her family. They are having a great time.
I spent the weekend at the Ontario Regional Conference of AA. It's a weekend of meetings and stuff with AA people from all over. I took advantage of the weekend and spent most of my weekend hours there (Royal York Hotel), coming home to sleep. I learned a lot and renewed some friendships from months ago. I can honestly say that after this weekend I'm mentally exhausted, but more serene and content than I've ever been before. This feeling of contentment began a few days ago. I'm usually rushing and trying to get 'there' (where ever I have to be) in a hurry, constantly saying 'come on, Leah and Heather'. A few days ago, Leah and I were walking from the bus stop and it was the usual 'come on Leah, lets go get Heather'. Also as usual, she was ignoring me and setting her own pace (I think I saw a snail pass her). She was looking at some sticks and finally chose 2 of them. 'Come on Leah, put the sticks down and lets go please' I said. She looked at me and put one stick in each hand and said 'Mommy, I'm a fairy and these are my wings', as she flapped them and ran ahead of me. Well, in that moment, something changed in me. WOW...THIS was life. What 'they' are always asking about ... 'what is the point/meaning of life?'. I got it at that moment. It's not the rushing from here to there. It's not the job or what time you put children to bed. It has nothing to do with what you eat. Watching your 4 year old flapping some sticks that are fairy wings...that's what it is. At that moment, nothing else in life mattered. It may seem like nothing to some people, but to me, it felt like a ray of sunshine went straight into my heart. I hope I never loose this feeling.
One of the best quotes I heard this weekend was 'there is a blessing on the other side of through'. When times are rough, you have to go through the pain to get to the other side. On the other side is a blessing waiting for you. I've heard that alcoholism is a disease of perception. Having just over a year in the program, I'm understanding that. What I have percieved in the past to be problems and stessers are not always as they appear to be. Does it really matter if I am a few minutes later picking up one of the girls, especially if they don't know what time I'm supposed to be there? No. Over the past few months I have been conciously trying to be aware of my thoughts. I went through a time where I had to mentally justify every 'yes' or 'no' and the girls ended up with bright pink hair because I couldn't give a justifiable no. I now find myself asking how important things are to me, within reason of course. I'm finding that things that I used to worry about are totally beyond my control and it makes no sense to get upset over them. It's a different way to live and to think to me, but so far, it's more rewarding than I can possibly communicate in words here.
That's it for now. Peace be with you!

Saturday, March 3, 2007

...Others helping me.

Leah had her tonsils and adnoids out yesterday. Since I don't drive right now, and I'm a single parent, I had some concerns about the day. Getting Leah and I to and from the hospital, and what to do with Heather were my major concerns. I had arranged for my mother to take us there and my neighbour Barb to pick us up. I had arranged for Heather to go to a friend's place after school. Her school had a skating party planned for Fri. night. I knew Leah and I were not going, but I had thought of Heather and how she would get there, who would supervise her, and how she was going to get home.
After our snow from hell, there was some wind damage and many houses were without power. As it turns out, we had power, but the houses and school, just one block away, did not. The daycare and school were closed for the day. Thinking quickly and realizing that asking for help is not a weakness, I arranged things for Heather. She spent the first part of the day with a neighbour, then my sister took her for a bit and they went for lunch. After that she went to a friend's place, then the skating party, met up with other friends there and had a sleepover. I wasn't really worried about her, I just wanted to make sure that she was taken care of. She had the best time. She stayed at her friend's, then this morning went to see a book signing of Robert Munsch. She had a wonderful time. Meanwhile, Leah and I were at the hospital. She was so amazing once she woke up. She ate 22 popsicles (we kept the sticks to prove it), and was in good spirits all day. Her father came for about an hour, then left. I think one of the most touching things is how friends came together and helped my family when we needed them. What a special feeling! I'm always one help other people when they need help, it was nice for once to accept help and take it for what it's meant to be...friends helping friends. I will always look back on this weekend as a time when a bunch of us came together to help each other.

Helping other's helps me...

I've had an interesting and very humbling past couple of days. Toronto had a storm from hell this past Thursday. It started to snow in the afternoon, then the wind picked up, then more snow came. It wouldn't stop. It was white-out outside. By 3pm, people in offices were leaving to get home. I left work early as well, about 3:30. I went to pick up Leah, we did a bit of shopping and took the subway to our 'home' station. The trip from Leah's school to home is normally much less than an hour. We got to the subway and I immediately questioned the situation. There were about 300 people waiting for the Bayview bus (to take us home). I found out that some people were waiting for over an hour. At that time of day, there is an extra route and you never have to wait more than 5 minutes. We ended up seeing a neighbour there. To make that story short, his wife came to pick us up and from Leah's school to home was almost 2 hours. By this time as well, I was speaking to another neighbour and we had decided that whoever got to the school daycare first would pick up my daughter and his son. It ended up being me, getting there at 5:30. The neighbour who gave us a ride took Leah to their house while I went to the daycare. While there, they were in an organized panic about the remaining kids. The daycare closes at 6 and by 5:30 there were a lot of children left. Some parent's who were driving were simply stuck getting home. What usually is a 15 min drive took some 4 hours. I saw the kids who were there and ended up calling another parent who released their 2 kids to me. We all went back to our house where they had a great time with each other and I made them all dinner. It was an exciting time for them, and a great learning experience for us adults who learned that we have to stick together.